Conversation With Wool


W: Knock, knock
H: Who’s there?
W: Your wool sweater.
H: *cracks door* You’ve got the wrong door.
W: *stops door closing with cuff* What do you not understand about ‘Dry Clean Only’?
H: *squints eyes at sweater* Is that you?
W: HALF of me.
H: Geez…see I’ve been sick, ran out of clean socks thought I’d do some laundry.
W: Is that your excuse?
H: *digs toe in carpet*
W: What did I ever do to you?
H: Well, you ARE a turtleneck. You know what that does to my cheeks? *puffs cheeks out like a chipmunk*
W: Hey! I was born this way!
H: No need to bring the sheep into this.
W: Low blow.
H: Can we go back to knock, knock so I can NOT answer?
W: Fine, I’m leaving.
H: Where are you going?
W: I’m donating myself to the little people down the street.
H: Wait, maybe I could start a new trend, half sweaters.
W: *looks H up and down* Don’t kid yourself. Besides, given my shrunken state, I might strangle you. On accident, of course.
H: Of course.
W: Well, thanks for the memories.
H: Thanks for the warmth, even if I did look like a giant lint ball.
W: Your smart remarks just never end.
H: Sorry. *tries to look remorseful* Hey! Someone said I looked like a ski bunny once!
W: Yeah, you kinda got those rabbit teeth.
H: *narrows eyes at sweater* Is that so?
W: Well, if we’re bein’ honest.
H: Aren’t you late for the Goodwill truck?
W: Bite me.
H: *slams door*
W: Hey! My cuff! It’s in the door! Hey! Hey!